Randomly speaking to my co-worker about interracial relationships. As a black woman I can understand why other black women don't appreciate the whole "white women are stealing all the good ones" because I used to think like that but now I don't.

Why because I still have hope for the other black men. You know the one's society classifies as the low life scum of the world.... yeah them. I love them.

I think everyone, white, black, Asian or Hispanic makes mistakes. I believe we all react differently to life's situations. And I don't believe that there is a shortage of good black men.

And I simply don't have the time to harp on the whack black men who rather chose a white woman over a fine black one (like myself) because Willie Lynch has got a hold of him. Clearly, that is no man I need to be pursuing. That man has issues.

Plus, I would like to believe that I wanted to date a white man, I should be able to do so. Not because I'm so slave wench that by entering a relationship with a white man would subject me to becoming a sexual object. But because he loves me and I love
him and we happen to be of different persuasions.

So here are a list of FINE white men, that I would date in a heartbeat!




1. George Clooney

Distingushed. Refined. That Carey Grant quality that keeps his sex appeal in tact.


2. Viggo Mortenson

Please don't ask me why, but I think he is soooo sexy. Extremely different yet captivating. I likes.


3. Javier Bardem

Okay. I know he's not technically white, but I had to put him somewhere. I love him. Really I do.


4. Brad Pitt

At first I really didn't like him, cause everyone else liked him but then I say Troy. I digress.


5. Jonathan Rhys- Meyers


He looks a lot like Elvis. And Elvis was a racist MF but he was fine. Plus did you see MatchPoint?


6. Adam Levine

I love his soul. I think he has a well defined face. He's just cute, damnit. Nothing deep. And I like him better than Justin.



7. Ryan Gosling

I remember seeing him on Mickey Mouse and thinking he was odd. But now, I think he has a black dude's swagger. I don't know. Regardless of the fact of why I like him... I do.


8. Anderson Cooper

Not everyone's cup of tea. But you get to watching CNN long enough and that hair gets ya! Its just gets ya!


9. Johnny Depp

He's such an artist. Such a non-conformist. I love a man that passionate about his work. He oozes passion. I like that.


10. David Beckham

Self Explanatory.

Apparently a lot of work was not done this week, because this is the special that I chose to be a slacker. Yes! A slacker. I needed a break and I am not one to take one whenever I am the hell tired. The man will not, I repeat will not keep me down. So... I decided to do watch TV. Oh God, big mistake.... huge mistake. There is nothing on television but crap and the worse thing is that those who watch can really get to liking the crap... its like a drug.

I will say that before today I only disliked BET, now I hate them. Why? Hate is such a strong word, but its appropriate. BET absolutely sucks, especially those idiots they have over at 106 & Park. I don't know the chick's name but she looks horrible. Like she just robbed some 15 year old of their wardrobe. And Terrance is cute but he's sooooo extra. Sit down and take your medicine, boy.

And Comic View sucks now. Probably not new news to anyone who actually watches television. But I remember as a kid I would watch Comic View when D.L Hughley was the host or even when they had Rickey Smiley as a host. It used to be so funny. Now its J. Anthony Brown's old, country self, these tacky dancers and no name comedians giving the worst impressions of Martin Lawrence.

This is so sad. The only major black channel (still, I mean I guess I should count TV1 but... nah.) we have and it is just pure buffoonery. Which is why I have to get into this media game and switch a few things up cause the misrepresentation of me is horrendous. Everytime I turn on BET I feel like I threw up in my mouth a little.

I just want to steal Toure and Uncle Jeff for my own newsworthy purposes. BET doesn't need them. And what happened to Jackie Reid?

Evidence that Bob Johnson sold his coon soul to the Devil [Viacom] that is.

But I digress... you should know its that time of the month. Why should you know this? This note was rather angry, don't you think. As someone over at BET would say, It be's like that sometime.

I wish that I wasn't so vain, that I could be concerned with the risk of sounding like I am. If that makes sense. It does to me, so I'll roll with it. I will however, use a disclaimer and let you in on two very important factors. The first is that despite the borderline arrogant exterior, I am extremely insecure. I have complexes that have helped to develop a strong, sturdy and reliable defense mechanism also know as my egotism. The second, who cares if I'm vain, ask yourself which one of the deadly sins do you struggle with?


I have never made it a point to hide my "confident" ways. I am who I am and for the most part I understand the inner workings of the innovative piece of revolutionary machinery, that is my brain. I appreciate the fact that no one is made like me and there will never again be another after I am gone. I am grateful for this DNA that flows through my veins because I honestly feel that when I was born I hit the genetic lottery. Not only in the physical sense but in every aspect. I consider myself to be wise beyond my years and anything that I do in life whether it be good or bad, I can wholeheartedly say that I knew what I was doing. With the exception of the Holy Father with art in heaven, no one is the leader of me. I understand there is a difference between being elite and being an elitist. I am not an elitist. And just before you state the obvious and scoff at the audacity of arrogance, you must know that if I don't it, you won't.... no one will. Believe me, no one will.

Its funny a thing to observe when people walk all over nice folks and use them until the lines of utility and abuse are blurred. It's more than comedic to hear the things that people say about a person like me who carries themselves in a certain manner and expect you to the same in the provided manner.

I'm a bitch when I speak my mind. I'm slut, if there are no strings attached. I'm pretty but just for a dark skinned girl. And all in the same breath, I am weak if I say yes, I am stupid if I stay, lame for observing traditional values and I still wouldn't pass any paper bag test to obtain membership in that sorority. Does being legacy count? However... I digress.

In writing this I lost my original point, but here is my attempt to bring it back.

People misconstrue my confidence for arrogance and I assume that I believe I am everyone's cup of tea. F.Y.I... I am very aware that I am not. What absolutely boggles my mind yet amazes me at the same time is that the contrast to what I supposedly am, is a defeated, poor little black girl that always says yes allowing the world and more specifically her own flesh and blood to diminish the soul that God has given me.

And I do not comply.

Women are often baffled at the fact that I can attract a man or dare I say, seduce the opposite sex with a simple flash of a smile. Not even batting my eyelashes. To them it also seems sneaky. Whatever this act is, that I seem to inevitably commit when a man is in the room leaves me with a scent of betrayal to other women.

Men are too, caught of guard with their sudden attraction to me because as the world would have it, "I am not their type." Really what they mean to say is, "I usually like them visibly mixed so that we can make great looking babies because we all know that to have children with a black girl, more specifically a dark skinned negro is absolutely unacceptable for they would look like tar babies or rather, monkeys. Not mention, you don't have breast, hips or ass. Which really means I can't fuck you cause good sex equates to a really big ass not human being with emotions but an ass... a really big and fat one.

And for breaking the status quo rule, I pay. However, in the name of complexes and inferiority's, I pay with a smile on my face.

Hey chick, you don't have to talk to me. Being mad at me is not going to solve your problem which is really, him.


And young man, I desire that you learn that my aspirations of a mate are not based on some slave notion that I can't do any better. I can. And its not you brother.

Tell me again, what so audacious about my vanity? If I don't do it, you won't.

I mean I'm not one to play the race card but DAMN!!!!!


Can we get a break?!


Michael Vick, now this? Not Marion... say it ain't so...



"Olympic track star Marion Jones was sentenced in a federal court Friday to six months in prison, two years of probation and community service for lying to federal prosecutors investigating the use of performance-enhancing substances. Before the sentencing, Jones broke down as she asked Karas not to send her to prison. "I plead with you to alleviate the situation by not separating me from my boys, even for a short period of time," she said.

But Karas noted that "athletes in society ... serve as role models to children around the world. When there is a widespread level of cheating, it sends all the wrong messages."

"People live with their choices," he added, "and the choice not to play by the rules has been compounded by the choice to break the law."
Courtesy of CNN.com

Oh really...







Michael Vick & Marion Jones


But you can't put Britney Spears away? I agree with paying for your actions. I believe in consequences but I also believe in fairness. However I digress. In the words of Ice Cube " a n***ga got it hard cause I'm brown.


My sentiments exactly.

"I am not my hair, I am not this skin..."-- India Arie.



Ok. So I'm not going to lie. I had to really push myself to write this post. I thought, "Hmm... there really isn't anyone reading this [mental comment: as of yet] and I'm really tired..." but something said HALT! Get yourself together and share this particular experience.

An experience that is serious, yet not that serious. Enlightening yet filled with comical entertainment. And so I sit here... typing. Hoping that you might get some pleasure out my pain. [Pardon the melodramatic commentary...]

So if you don't know by now, I am of mixed ethnicity... my mother is Haitian and my pops is Cuban... Afro Cuban.

I generally don't see myself as mixed and I don't bring up the fact that I am Cuban to many people cause... well, cause I just don't. Plus I strive not to be like Tiger Woods.


Many people, especially black people think that I'm lying or that I'm trying to be something I'm not. The only thing that ever proves that I am really what I say I am [not that I really should have to] is meeting my father and hearing for yourself his thick Tony Montana like accent.


Or analyzing my hair.



Yup... that was all mine.



And this too..

My crown and shining glory.

My mane.

For some stupid, odd and absolutely ignorant reason my hair has helped me save face in many of situations. I'm not of a light complexion. As a matter of fact I would fail any brown paper bag test miserably. And because of Willie Lynch and his letters, many people don't consider me the standard of beauty.I obviously missed that memo when it was first issued because that is biggest load of crap I ever heard.

Back to the hair....

The fact that I have always had shoulder length [or longer hair], people seem to give me a pass. As if to say, "she's pretty cause she has long hair".... wait, what?

I hated that. So on my 21st birthday. I chopped it all off. I decided I would stop relaxing my hair and grow it out naturally. Initially I want to get locks and have a whole new look. Goapele was the inspiration.



Goapele


Now locks are out and Janelle's lovely mane is in. So what, I'm a biter. And?! Tell me her hair isn't just grand!



Janelle Monae


When I cut my hair off... my mother had a FIT! She keeps this picture of me with my hair at its longest in her wallet.





I find that so disappointing. Why is my hair supposed to be the source of my beauty? Doesn't any else see something depressingly wrong with this?! And don't people think it will grow back in natural state?


Its different but I'm glad I made the decision to cut the cream crack off my head. It was time. Now, I have a whole plethora of things to experiment with. I wear weaves, wigs, whatever... you name it! I think I'm going to get a curly weave this time like my friend has it... I told you I was a biter. lol.





Once my hair gets a little more "hutzpah" to it.. I'll wear it out. I can't wait. I know you can't either!

Whatever, Whatevers...


Wally G's and a Hustler's Diet


If you need to learn how to survive off 5 dollars... P. Tone has the answers.


2:40 gets me... ALL THE TIME!

"Smile."







Mitchowski, from the Wondaland Arts Society inspired me to *ahem* steal , I mean borrow this...

Right now, I’m feeling extremely optimistic. Life is good. God is greater.

My body is is something that needs work. What most would consider desirable. I do not. The grass is always greener.

The thing I miss most is being naive. Ignorance is bliss. Always being on guard is a lot work.

I got a reality check, when I decided living at home was a good idea.

The minute I learned to accept my situation for what it was and for what people thought it should be, my life got right! I live within my means. And that is just the way it is.

There is way more to life than striving to be video chick. The representation of beauty for a black woman has got o get beyond Beyonce's blond hair and Buffie's ass.

I can’t always control my need for instant gratification. Which 9 times out of 10 is what usually gets me in the most drama/trouble. But I really need to.

My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations. [I like that one :)]

If you don’t have a sense of self, what you like and what you won't put up with then you have lost the battle.

I can’t depend on people because dependence comes along with a sense of entitlement. And no one owes you anything.

I also can't complain because someone always has it worse and God has been way too merciful to someone [like me] so unworthy.

I startedout with a plethora of people in a crew now my circle friends is very small. Approx. 3 and I like it that way.

I really don't know if I'll ever be able to commit myself to anyone, relationship or friendship.

I always wanted to run my own shit. Own my own company with my own creative vision. I will.

Whatever terrible thing is going on, it’s going on until you find out that it’s not. So get to that part as quickly as possible.

I don’t know about getting married anymore. Quite frankly it seems like a big fat sham!

I have to learn to live with my ego, unless I start belittling someone to achieve/maintain it, it really is an asset.

Average is unacceptable. Success is imperative. Failing is not an option.

Oh my cyboy and cybergirls.... get up, if you going get down." - The Wolfmasters






Picture courtesy of [The Kaos Effect]

"It is my belief that kids are God's way of making death more appealing."- My momma.


She's dramatic I know.


My type of DISCIPLINE...















That is Hi- LAR-ious!
I'm taking notes for if I decide to raise a little theif of my own. :)

"The world brought me to my knees, what have you brung you." - Lupe Fiasco


Ooh I think I like HIM...





The Cool is definitive hip-hop.
The Cool is innovative and poignant.
The Cool though provoking.
The Cool is overflowing with head bobbing beats and viscious ryhmes.
The Cool is by no means a sophomore effort, The Cool is the second coming of Lupe.
The Cool is a a reflection of a true MC spitting words and wisdom.
The Cool is a collection of original lyrics.
The Cool is not a trend.
The Cool isn't about repetitive, nonsensical, hooks, but quality sincere tracks of substance.
The Cool is the hip-hop that saved my life.
The Cool is cool.
The Cool doesn't dumb it down.
The Cool is like book that you can't stop reading and re-reading.
The Cool is not about bitches, hoes, shoes, and clothes.
The Cool is a rolling stone.
The Cool is the fallen tree when no one is around.
The Cool is beyond your average rappers means, it's something they'll never achieve.
The Cool is a great gift.
The Cool heard by many, but speaks only to some.
The Cool is good music.

I wish I had this way back when......


"It ain't my first time but baby girl we can pretend..." -Chris Brown







Teenage girls all around the world have new song they can lose their virginity to.
What?!, was that vulgar?
Am I lying? Please tell me I'm lying.


OK. Minus the abrasive nature of the statement, that was actually a compliment to Chris Brown. It's no Lady in My Life, but its cute. I actually got this adolescent giddy feeling. It's the first time, I can see why someone would want to take down Chris Brown.


But who said it was good idea to tell a teenage girl, let me take you down. I guess.

"Dancing at discos, eating cheese and toast...." Kate Nash


Dope Person Alert...



Kate Nash







I really like Kate Nash. Finally, something suggested by MTV that I can actually take heed to. She sounds a little like Fiest [the IPod Girl... 1,2,3,4, you know the rest.].
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two thumbs... way up.

"There is simply no place on our network for offensive language like this.." -Golf Channel.




Which brings me to....


THE WHACKEST Person of the Week.





Someone please tap Tiger "Chomp, Chomp"Woods and inform him that contrary to the delusions in his mind... YES YOU ARE BLACK.


Colin Powell says "In America, which I love from the depths of my heart and soul, when you look like me, you're black." My sentiments exactly.



"Golf Channel suspended anchor Kelly Tilghman for two weeks on Wednesday for saying last week that young players who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should "lynch him in a back alley."


That is one bold chick. She should be on Don Imus' show or better yet, maybe Fox. I'm sure they have a place for her seated next to Bill O'Reilley or maybe Sean Hannity. I don't know. Just some ideas.


What's worse is Tiger's response to whole thing. Apparently since they are friends the statement means nothing. I guess its the Asian persuasion [as Janet would put it],talking.


This story is a non-issue, Tiger and Kelly are friends and Tiger has a great deal of respect for Kelly. Regardless of the choice of words used we know unequivocally that there was no ill-intent in her comments. This story is a non-issue in our eyes. Case closed."




Tell that to Uncle Al.
Sharpton that is....





"Lynching is not murder in general, it's not assault in general," Sharpton said. "It's a specific racial term that this women should be held accountable for. What she said is racist. Whether she's a racist ... is immaterial. She's a broadcaster. The channel has to be accountable to the public."


But if Tiger doesn't care... then I digress.

WATCH THIS...






"Light skinned, dark skinned, my Asian persuasion..." -Feedback, Janet Jackson


What is Janet really talking about? I would honestly like to know. Wait a minute, while I find out who wrote this song.... oh yeah, that explains it.




I guess the saying "if its not broken don't fix it" would apply to Ms. Jackson's millionth comeback but I was hoping that I would be pleasantly surprised with something different. Heavy breathing, seductive singing over a synthesized beat while wearing space inspired attire and a sturdy yet, yaky ponytail seems to be what's hot and it doesn't look like its cooling down anytime soon. [Even Britney did it, think 'Oops I Did Again.] I mean, damn how many times must we go down this route. Bring Velvet Rope Janet back, please.


I'm not mad at it I'm really not. She is one of the originators that generations have incessantly followed and will continue to look up to. However, when artists like Jackson have grown within an ever changing industry and has established themselves as icons, I as a fan would love to see the growth in their music. Janet is known for her dancing and that can never be taken away but I would really like to see her not try and compete with the Beyonce, Rihanna and Ciara's of the music biz. Its like watching my mother try and recapture her youth. Its over. Grow old gracefully. You can do it.


Janet has without a doubt solidified herself as a legend therefore in my mind there is no need to compete. Quite frankly, although the song is cute and would probably be jumpin' in the club. I would much rather hear her sing about something more relevant for a 40 something.


You don't see Prince trying to sound like J.Holiday do you? My point exactly.

4:47 a.m.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom... let it be, let it be." -[The Beatles]




Feelings of anxiety overcome me. It ain't all roses. I lay down after a day's worth of pacing and mourning to rest my body in preparation for the next sad day. I close my eyes attempting to conquer the task of sleep and it seems impossible. Absolutely impossible.


I don't have many friends. Don't trust many people. Keep my guard up at all times, cause that's what they said to do. Even those who's blood I share, I keep at a distance. It easy. My heart is too fragile. There's a lot I can't take.


Then came.... The Wondaland Arts Society. A group of dynamic individuals that have had such an impact on my life, that words couldn't sufficiently describe the depths of my gratitude.


There are people you come across in your life that instantly mark their territory in your heart. Keith was my big brother. I just talked to him. He just finished giving me advice about doing what I love. He just got through cracking a joke on me. His voice lingers in mind with his last words to me: "See you later, mama."


Later never came. Instead, one Saturday morning has turned my world upside down. I am utterly confused and hurt. That could have been me. It could of been you.


A gentle giant. Keith reminded me a lot of my father. I used to tell him that all the time. And his response was, "that means he's good people" and you were Keith. You absolutely were.


I feel guilty. If there weren't people like me who need reality checks then people like Keith wouldn't have to die. I got my reality check. The shake that I need to wake myself up. As Janelle would say... I've been "walking dead". Yup. That's it. That has to be it. That's the only logical reason I can come up with.


My heart hurts. Oh, how this pains me so.


No goodbyes. See you later. I'm gonna do my best to make it there. I love you man. And like I told Chandra whatever she needs with the kids, I will do. That's the least I could for sharing such a good man like you.


See you at the crossroads.